I'm sure you've read a chat message from your child before and thought it was written in another language.Numerical codes, impossible abbreviations, emoticons that seem innocent but hide other meanings… Mobile phones have become the center of the social life of many minors and, with them, a language of their own has been born that completely escapes mothers and fathers.
What for adults is a simple WhatsApp message or a TikTok videoFor teenagers, it can be a universe of codes, inside jokes, and sometimes insults, harassment, or even references to self-harm, sex, or drugs that go completely unnoticed by those outside the code. This understandably worries families, but it also presents an opportunity: to use this interest to initiate necessary conversations about their digital lives.
Why do your children speak differently when they use a mobile phone?
Youth slang and codes are not new, but their speed and reach have changed.Before, "secret" words stayed within the school, the neighborhood, or the group of friends. Today, any expression that becomes trendy on TikTok, Instagram, or Snapchat can cross half the planet in a matter of hours and reach thousands of minors at the same time.
Psychologists specializing in adolescence remind us that inventing slang is a natural part of growing upIt helps them build their identity, feel part of a group, and differentiate themselves from adults. In the nineties, people said "cool," "awesome," or "the crew"; now we hear "random," "cringe," "hype," or "shipping" as a way of showing that we are "up-to-date" and connected to the world of influencers and social media.
What has changed radically is the way in which these codes are disseminated and transformed.Experts point out that adolescent language is constantly evolving: what means one thing today may have a different meaning tomorrow, and what starts as a simple joke can end up linked to hateful, sexualized content or dangerous challenges.
Furthermore, many of these expressions don't arise just for fun.They largely respond directly to the platforms' filters and rules. Since social networks censor words related to suicide, sex, anorexia, violence, or drugs, minors have found ways to circumvent these algorithms using numbers, abbreviations, and seemingly innocent emoticons.
The National Police, the ANAR Foundation and other entities that work with children at risk They warn that this “secret language” is used both to communicate among peers and, in many cases, to harass, ridicule, send sexual content, or contact strangers, including sexual predators. Hence the importance of adults, without becoming obsessed, at least knowing the basics.
Numerical codes and abbreviations: the basic dictionary for mothers and fathers
A fundamental part of this language is the combination of numbers and letters These replace explicit words. Many come from English, and others visually mimic the letters they replace, thus escaping the platforms' automatic filters. Here is a detailed compilation of the most common ones, gathered from guides such as the ANAR Foundation's and digital wellbeing platforms.
Let's start with the codes most related to sexual content, in-person meetings and suggestive requests:
- 53 timesA disguised way of writing "sex" by mixing numbers and letters. It's used to talk about sexual content without the algorithm detecting it.
- LH6: Abbreviation for “Let's have sex”. It usually appears in contexts of flirting or sexual pressure.
- LMIRL"Let's meet in real life." This indicates an intention to move the online relationship into the physical world.
- LMIRL + CU46The first code, CU46, roughly translates to "let's meet up for sex." The second code, CU46, can also mean "get naked in front of the camera," implying that someone is asking for intimate images.
- GNOC"Get naked on camera." A direct request for nudity or semi-nudity in a video or photo.
- Gypo"Get your pants off." Again, a request for sexualized content.
- SUGARPIC: refers to a suggestive or sexualized photo, usually requested directly.
Alongside the sexual messages, there is a group of expressions linked to self-harm, suicidal ideation, and intense emotional distress.These numbers may seem innocuous, but in reality they are crying out for help or expressing deep pain:
- KMS: Abbreviation for “Kill myself”. Sometimes used in a seemingly joking tone, but it can also indicate real suffering.
- 11:11: It can be used as a sign that the person "is not well" or is going through a difficult time, beyond the "I want something at 11:11" version.
- 273: message of extreme exhaustion: “I can’t go on with this anymore”.
- 171: expresses that the supposed friends are using the person.
- 363: means that the friends are fake or hypocritical.
- 297"I'm faking a smile"; pretending to be okay when you're actually not.
- 028: is interpreted as "people are killing me", alluding to a hostile or harassing environment.
- 770: veiled request for support: “I need to talk to someone.”
- 909: associated with "I can't eat", sometimes linked to eating disorders.
- 988: a way of saying “I’m not well”.
- 1423: very worrying, because it means "I want to die".
- 505: “SOS” type code asking for help.
We also found codes for insulting, harassing, or belittling other people, many of them of English origin and often directed especially towards girls:
- 29: used as an insult such as "you stink", "you're disgusting".
- THOT, HOE, BOSH, SBW, SLUBThese are different terms that, in practice, mean "slut" or "promiscuous." They are often used in contexts of cyberbullying and controlling the behavior of girls.
Regarding drugs and parties, there are numbers that may seem like simple meeting codesbut which actually point to substance use or risky encounters:
- 1174: something like “see you at the party”; in principle less alarming, but relevant if accompanied by other signs.
- 420: a very widespread reference to marijuana.
- CID: related to the consumption of acids or other drugs.
Another important set of abbreviations is dedicated to misleading parents and close adults.These are quick alerts to indicate that someone is looking at the screen:
- MOS"Mom Over Shoulder" means that the mother is looking at her mobile phone.
- DOS: “Dad Over Shoulder” (dad looking over his shoulder).
- POS: “Parent Over Shoulder” (a parent controlling the screen).
- CD9: equivalent to “adults nearby” or “be careful, there are elderly people around”.
- 99: indicates that the parents have left and are not present.
Finally, there are expressions designed to organize physical encounters beyond a simple get-together.We have already mentioned LMIRL, but combinations such as LMIRL + CU46 appear to propose sex or the exchange of nudes, which can be especially dangerous in cases of grooming (adults posing as minors to abuse).
Emoticons that don't mean what they seem
If numbers and abbreviations can be misleading, the keyboard apps And emoticons take the confusion to the next levelWhat an adult sees as a simple, cute drawing, in network code can represent drugs, sex, insults, or even sexual interest in minors.
In the realm of drugs, emojis function as a covert catalog of substances. to ask or offer without writing a single sensitive word. Some common examples are:
- ❄️, , , ⛄: combinations used to refer to cocaine.
- , : linked to heroin.
- , , : associated with methamphetamine.
- : a widely used symbol for hallucinogenic mushrooms.
- , , , ☘: a set of emoticons used to talk about marijuana or joints.
Even more disturbing is the use of certain symbols by pedophiles and groomerswho have adopted visual markers to recognize each other or express preferences without raising suspicion:
- 曆Butterflies, especially if they combine pink and blue tones, can indicate sexual interest in boys and girls.
- : spirals of different types as a sign of attraction to minor boys.
- Hearts, especially those showing two concentric hearts, are sometimes used to indicate interest in girls.
In some recent fictional productions about adolescenceThe series starkly depicts how a seemingly innocent wall of emojis was actually a mural of insults, threats, and humiliations directed at a specific victim. Even the police, in the series, fail to recognize the harassment until another child translates it for them, a situation that echoes real-life cases.
More abstract graphic symbols are also being used to label extreme ideologies or hate groups.For example, a bomb has been used as an insult towards so-called incels (men who define themselves as involuntary celibates and blame women) or a red circle to refer to the so-called "manosphere", communities that promote aggressive masculinity.
Social media slang: from “cringe” to “gossip”
Beyond risk codes, your children use a vocabulary on a daily basis that may sound like gibberish.But in many cases, they're not meant to be malicious. They're words that help build community, define style, and show you're "in the know." Knowing them isn't essential, but it can help you follow a conversation without getting lost every other sentence.
Some common examples you can find on TikTok, Instagram, or chats are these:
- POV (Point of View): This is used to describe a scene from someone's "point of view." In videos, it's often followed by a phrase like "POV: when your mom catches you on your phone in class."
- RandomSomething “random”, strange, or unexpected. “What a random photo” would be “what a weird or pointless photo”.
- cringe: is used when something is very embarrassing. “It makes me cringe” is equivalent to “it makes me uncomfortable just to see it.”
- Shippear / ship: comes from “relationship” and means to pair up two people (real or fictional) who are desired to be together.
- HypeExaggerated excitement for something, a mixture of anticipation and eagerness. “I’m hyped for that series” would be “I’m really excited to see it.”
- Binge / binge-watch: to binge-watch several episodes of a series.
- LMAO: “Laughing my ass off”, similar to “I’m cracking up”, very close to “LOL”.
- MP: private message
- Roast: literally “to roast”, but on social media it means to “mock” someone intensely, often compiling hurtful comments or responding to haters.
- flamer: a person who enters conversations only to insult and create controversy.
- Same"Same here," "I'm going through the same thing." It's used to show identification with what someone else is saying.
- FIt is used to express support in a bad situation or to offer condolences in an abbreviated way. It comes from a video game where a key was pressed to show respect.
- sauce: gossip, controversy or fight on social media that generates morbid curiosity and comments.
- FAV: from “favorite”, taken from Twitter; something you like a lot.
These terms, in principle, are part of a fairly harmless youth cultureHowever, psychologists recommend that families stay up-to-date, because some concepts are mixed up with insults, trolling, or ways of bullying a specific person as a group.
In this sense, words like bullying and especially cyberbullying These are already well known, but it is important to keep in mind others linked to serious risks on the internet: “grooming” (sexual deception by an adult), “stalker” (a harasser who controls every movement of the victim) or “sexting” (exchange of intimate photos that can later be disseminated without consent).
The worrying thing is not the code itself, but how it is being used.
Educational psychology specialists insist that the problem is not that there is a specific youth language. —in fact, it would be strange if there weren't any—, but the speed, the lack of filters and the ease with which a hurtful message can be amplified to thousands of people in seconds today.
In the past, a cruel nickname or a taunt was confined to the classroom or the playground.And over time, they faded away. Now, through groups, videos, screenshots, and open networks, that same comment can be repeated and recycled until the victim feels there's no escape. And when the harassment is disguised with numerical codes and emojis, it takes adults even longer to detect.
Technology platforms have attempted to react with moderation systems based on artificial intelligence. that block words like “sex,” “anorexia,” “suicide,” or obvious insults. But these filters, by focusing only on specific terms, don't always capture the context or coded clues, such as “53X” to refer to sex or numbers associated with self-harm.
That gap between what the algorithm detects and what is actually happening It's the space where many teenagers are spending their time… and also adults with bad intentions. That's why family guides emphasize not just relying on technology, but building a network of trust and open communication at home.
On the other hand, reducing the entire digital life of teenagers to a source of danger would be unfair and inaccurate.Many people use social media to learn, express themselves, create content, stay in touch with distant relatives, or find support when they feel different. The challenge lies in helping them develop enough critical thinking skills to identify toxicity, set boundaries, and ask for help when things get out of hand.
When the adult is the one who fails: a real example of mismanagement
Not all problems that arise in a chat room come from other minors: sometimes it is adults who cross very serious lines.Imagine checking your 11-year-old son's mobile phone and finding a message from the mother of one of his friends telling him, literally, that he has "a disgusting mouth", that his own mother "didn't love him" and that's why "she left him with his grandmother".
This real case arose from an argument between two children During a video call, one of them told the other to kill himself. In response, the son made a very unfortunate comment about a deceased grandfather. The father spoke with his son to teach him respect and care with his words, but what he didn't expect was the disproportionate and humiliating reaction from the other parent, who decided to vent her anger directly on the child via text message.
Beyond the reprehensible nature of the boy's commentIt's clear that an adult cannot speak to a child in that way. This type of reaction worsens the conflict, reinforces the fear of telling family members, and sends the message that insults and abuse are a valid way to resolve problems.
Experts recommend that, in situations like this, the adult should remain calm and prioritize the emotional protection of the child.It is preferable to talk from adult to adult, set clear boundaries and, if necessary, go to the educational center or specialized services, instead of entering into a war of messages that only increases the harm.
How to talk to your children about screens without starting a battle
One of the biggest challenges for many families is that every time they try to talk about mobile phones or video games, the conversation ends in an argument.The children become defensive, the parents arrive already tense, and any attempt at compromise ends in arguments about a few minutes more or less.
Educators and digital wellbeing specialists propose changing the focus from “total control” to “collaboration”It's not about abandoning boundaries, but about introducing them with respect, dialogue, and consistency. A few specific phrases, used at the right moment, can make all the difference.
A first strategy is to avoid abrupt cutsInstead of saying “turn off your phone now,” you could use something like, “When this game/video/conversation is over, come with me for five minutes.” The key is to respect the pace of the game or content, offer an engaging activity afterward (going for a walk with the pet, preparing a snack, watching something together), and, if necessary, use a visible timer to avoid surprises.
Another tactic involves encouraging calm reflection, away from the moment of tension.For example: “Yesterday, after using the screen, I saw you were tired. Did you notice?” The point is not to accuse, but to encourage the boy or girl to evaluate how they feel after long sessions with their phone and, from there, propose small “experiments” to reduce screen time for comparison.
It also works well to involve them in defining the rulesInstead of imposing a rigid list, you can ask: “To avoid so many arguments about screens, let’s make the rules together?” This way, you can agree on schedules, device-free zones in the house (bedrooms at night, the dining room during meals, etc.), and reasonable consequences for breaking the rules.
We must not forget to reinforce the positive aspects.Phrases like "I love it when we use technology to..." followed by concrete examples (learning something, laughing as a family, creating a video together) help them not to see the topic as a continuous battleground, but as a tool that can add or subtract depending on how it is used.
What to do about the issue of the first mobile phone: “I’m the only one without a smartphone”
Another common source of conflict is deciding when to give (or not) the first smartphoneMany parents find that their 10 or 11-year-old child claims to be "the only one in the class" who doesn't have a mobile phone, and this creates pressure, comparisons, and arguments at home and between families.
Some projects, such as the movements that encourage waiting until advanced years of secondary schoolThey propose collective agreements between parents to delay smartphone use as long as possible. The idea is simple: the more children who don't have their own mobile phone, the less excluded those who don't yet have one will feel.
Meanwhile, it is helpful to offer children phrases that help them manage peer pressure without feeling obligated to give lengthy explanations.For example, they might choose to say "my parents are a bit strange about these things" or "my parents prefer to wait, I don't really know," shifting the responsibility to the family norm without needing to justify themselves.
If the child prefers to explain the reason, a simple version can be suggested. For example: “My parents have read that it’s not very good for our age and they don’t see any advantages for me right now.” The important thing is that they feel they have room to choose how to answer, instead of freezing up or feeling embarrassed.
Among adults, the conversation usually goes in a different direction: who has access to minors and under what conditionsSome parents express that they would not let their child drive a car without being prepared or handle a weapon without control, and that the internet, in many respects, has comparable risks if barriers and supervision are not introduced.
An intermediate option is to use more limited devices (Phones with restricted functions, watches with calling capabilities, etc.) that allow basic communication without opening the door to social media, mass messaging apps, or unrestricted browsing. This buys time until the child is more mature and there is a clear support plan in place.
Parental controls yes, but always with dialogue
Parental controls and privacy settings are a useful tool, but they can't be the only answer.Blocking unknown contacts, limiting usage time, or filtering certain content helps reduce risks, especially at younger ages.
Many devices and social networks allow you to create profiles for children or teenagers These apps restrict searches, hide certain types of posts, and prevent adults from directly contacting minors without prior consent. Additionally, there are dedicated parental control apps that allow you to see how much time children spend on each app, set time limits, and receive alerts for unusual activity.
However, psychologists warn that if everything is based on control, the kids will find ways to circumvent it.by opening secret accounts, using friends' phones, or migrating to platforms where parents aren't present. Therefore, these tools should always be accompanied by clear explanations and shared agreements.
In cases where parents suspect that something serious is happening —sudden mood swings, a sudden drop in school performance, social withdrawal, refusal to go to school— it's advisable to observe the environment, talk to the school, and, if necessary, seek professional help. Sometimes, what you see on your phone is just the tip of the iceberg of a larger problem.
Ultimately, what protects a child the most is not so much that the adult knows every code or emoji by heart.Rather, it's about creating a climate of trust where they can share their experiences without fear of being judged, ridiculed, or disproportionately punished. This trust is built gradually, by listening more than lecturing, and by showing genuine interest in their digital world.
Having certain clues about the phrases your children use when communicating via mobile phone, knowing the most common codes and understanding what risks are hidden behind some numbers, abbreviations and emoticons It gives you a solid foundation to better support them, but the decisive factor will always be the relationship you build with them, the ability to listen to what lies behind each message, and the courage to ask for support when the situation gets out of your hands.